Buried Dreams

Time and again I think why have I stopped being open to people, open to ideas. 2006 was the year I completed my graduation and I was lost in thoughts then as I am now. But I wasn't confined. I had a fresh lot of ideas pouring in my head each morning. Dreams, desires all crazily revolved around me. My little dairy wasn't enough to take in all of it then.
But now almost four years into a job, I feel the difference. Each morning I wake up, brush bath eat and rush. The only sounds I hear now are the mute clicks of mouse and keys tapped on hundreds of computer around me, all day long.
I hadn't realized this. But it hits hard when this thing called 'realization' come. All my long forlorn wishes came rushing back into my mind. So, desperate for a change, I have been frantically groping around me for any bastion that I can hold onto. Anything even remotely helping me dissolve a minuscule of my unbounded dreams was most welcome.Lately, I enrolled into the red cross, took part in causes that interested me, no matter how small or how big. It was not long before I realized that it was not into computers that I could find what I have been wanting for so long. Since then I have been applying for courses that could help me feel good. Lets see how much I survive with so many things going around me. Atleast I have started before it would end. It helps me smile now and I can look forward to each day and not dare not to dream, but dare to resuscitate all my lost desires. I have found myself again.

Looking back....

looking back...
I have lived twenty two years of my life in which i have seen so much life, so much death, so much love, so much hatred, so much joy , so much sadness, excitement and anguish, so much zeal and so much failure ....
The ghosts of my past, it still haunts me.. People say that it fades away with time, but I find, with time i m getting all the more quite, more skeptical in a illogical way, sometimes i stay in a thoughtless state of mind just realising myself......... gathering my remains.............
I am a surviour, got a rebirth.
Everyone says I still have a long way to go, after this.. but how long?? Often I feel i have lived long .. very long. The more i live the more i see, only what i have seen till now, just that it would be in a different form and a different place, but its all the same... Similarity comes, if i again use my illogical skeptical speculation........

Just a thought..

"As the sun rises and as the day gets hotter"...
The clarity of the morning air that i feel when i wake up, giving me immense pleasure and making me feel rejuvenated....,
but as the day starts and the sun gets hotter, i start realising the realities as they start dawning on me..
The morning, so immensely blissful, starts changing to something harsh,.. and i remember that again i ve to face the same old things, give myself once again to the same old regime of activities... facing the challenges that each day brings up...challenges are to be met, but what does it leave me feeling??
I have tried to overcome each, and it could be just anything.. emotional, physical.. just anything...But everytime i feel all the more tired and sometimes upset.. because to overcome the things, i see, i face, i learn but these could be evil or good.. if i m good i always believed good is to happen to me.. then why sometimes, i've to take decisions that could make me feel sad, leaving me in my melancholy...........

my first post..

Sometimes i wish i could go back to the times.. where things would be simpler unlike now.......
the early morning dewdrops on the petals and leaves, the fresh cool air all around me, the small children playing, the climbing of hills, the first rain and the kiddish display of happiness by just simply splashing on the puddles, running barefooted in the pools of water, the feel of water under my feet.. i wish i could just pluck the chrysanthemums and dahilas and smell their freshness and forget all the craziness around me....
The simple life with people around me laughing, smiling, gluelessly.. The love with which my elders would look at me and pamper me as if i was the best child in the world:)
I wish i would run back to time and find things same and usual..
.......If i had to live my life all over again, i wudnt try 2 be so perfect, i wud relax more, i wud be sillier than i had been on this trip, i wud be crazier, i wud take more chances nd climb more mountains, i wud watch more sunsets, i wud go more places i have never seen, I wud eat more icecreams………I wud ve actual more troubles nd fewer imaginary ones, The stuff life is made of is moments…. I wud try to ve nothing but beautiful moments, live every moment in case I missed any nd didn’t know as it passed by….I don’t want to miss the moments now, I wud watch more sunrises nd be more on merry-go-rounds… I wud live all over again…